Duh - you sit on your ass and write.

Time to go off topic again.

I’d like to share some of my experiences with writing horror. For the Drive-In Horrorshow film, it usually started with something I never want to happen to me. Like being glued to a tub by some psycho...or seeing if that neighbor down the street is really a crazy old man who eats children's flesh...or being on a plane in mid-flight and the flight attendant asks if is there a pilot on board...

If things like that just don't pop into your head, then what’s wrong with you? My life is full of them.

Although there’s no definitive approach to writing, here are the things that help me get the stories to the page:

1. Watch everything when you are out in the world. Like that lady on cell phone talking about how much she loved that cheese she ate last night. Use that as a starting point for a story. Even the most mundane things can lead somewhere interesting.

2. Copy stuff. Take your favorite movie, I don't know, like the best movie ever - Star Wars - and copy it. I don't mean copy it exactly, word for word. Make it your own: instead of setting it in space, Han, Leia, and Luke work at bowling alley and Vader is a bio-engineered clone of Gary Busey. Film gold!!

3. Find inspiration. Love stuff. Hate stuff. Watch bad movies. Read trashy books. Look at bad videos on the web. Listen to your music way too loud. It's not going to come to you sitting in a blank room. See where your inspiration takes you. Even if it doesn’t lead exactly where you want it to, it’s good practice for the time that it does.

4. Show your writing to people. Don't be afraid of what they think - it's good to hear all opinions. The people that are the toughest on it are either right or haters. And fuck the haters - cause they never create shit. But listen to those who give it honest, tough criticism. It might not be what you want to hear, but it’s very important. If a bunch of people give you the same criticism, then you should probably change whatever isn’t working. You’ll never see your writing the same way someone else will.

5. Write every day. This might be the most important piece of advice I can give. You don't have to write a book a day or anything like that. Keep writing. Even if the writing one day is difficult, keep plowing through. Hopefully, you’ll get into a groove and find your voice.

So like I said at the beginning: just sit on your ass and write.